My Dad, the Navy Seal, and what he taught me.
Love as a Way of Life Part 3 "Patience"

Protecting Relationships with Confrontation

by Peter on October 9, 2008

Love needs protection. It is like tending a garden. If you want your plants to survive and thrive, you need to do more than water and feed them. You also need to protect them from bad weather, insects, and disease.”

~Boundaries: Face to Face

I don’t know why the topics of protection in relationships has been on much on my mind for the past few weeks but it has. Well for whatever reason it has and maybe it has something to do with what I’m reading. If you know me a little bit I like reading and I like to read books that make me think a little bit and even learn about something new. For example, the book “Every Contact Leaves a Trace” gives word-for-word interviews with forensic detectives about crimes that they have investigated and what goes through their minds when they enter a crime scene.

One thing that I have learned so far is that those detectives are entering a scene for the first time and attempting to replay and discover the story that occured. They sometimes go back to the crime scene and just sit to figure this story out. Pretty much the who-what-when-where-how questions.

This kinda goes along what my dad used to say when we left from a camping trip, “leave the place better than you got there.” I know it is something that I have brought up over and over again but it’s true never the less.

Well the boundaries: face to face book is about confronting someone that you love in a loving manner. Cloud and Townsend do not waste anytime in the book to say that if Love exists in a relationship then it is necessary at times confront them in a loving way IN ORDER TO PRESERVE THAT RELATIONSHIP. There will be times when one person misunderstands the other or someone behaves in a way that unbecoming to a loving relationship. When this happens it is important to confront the person to get things ironed out. Here are some reasons why it is important to confront your loved one in a loving way:

  1. Preserving Love
  2. Resolving Alienation
  3. Empowering
  4. Solving a Problem
  5. Building Growth
  6. Clarifying Reality

It is important to remember that just because you confront your loved one doesn’t mean that they are going to accept what you say. It is important to understand that you can only be responsible in how you approach the subject. Depending on how emotional the topic can be it may take some time to go through the process of attempting to help them understand what you are saying as well as protecting the relationship at the same time.

“There is never a reason to ever be unkind to anyone.”

~Ravi Zacharias

Protecting the relationship during confrontations is paramount. The goal is to preserve the relationship with respect for the other person while always treating them with kindness. Every time you have contact with that person you are leaving a trace. That trace is going to either lead them back to the relationship or from it.

Now I know that there are times when a person refuses to honor the relationship and acts in ways that are harmful to the relationship. For these types of situations it is important that you get advice from professionals as to know when you have to let someone go. However, no matter how far someone has gone the responsibility to love falls on you. Love says, “although you are making your own decision to leave, I will welcome you back for the purpose to rebuilt the relationship.”

What do you think about confronting those in love.

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