January 27, 2009 Peter

How to “Fall in Love, Stay in Love” (Pt1)

  For the next few weeks I am going to go through Willard Harley’s book, “Fall in Love, Stay in Love.” You can never get away from it but the fact of the matter is that unless a relationship is consistently cultivated and maintained it will never be what it was meant to be. I know that you have probably have heard this that one too many times but truth is truth.

I seems that one of the most abused aspects in relationships is the weight that is put into decisions about divorce is the aspect of feelings. So many times we allow our feelings to determine our decisions and actions rather than have the feelings come as a result of our decision and actions. Well, Harley does a really great job in helping couples maintain their feeling of love for each other throughout the easy and more importantly, difficult and stressful times. 

It would be quite silly to say that you are going to have good feelings about your spouse 100% of the time. How many times did you have very bad feelings against one of your siblings or family members but never thought for once to literally separate from your family members and hopefully never see them again? Why would we do this to the one that we have publicly and spiritually our life too? 

Fall in Love, Stay in Love is about creating an environment that protects the integrity of the individual and the relationship. Just like any valuable treasure. It must be protected from those who wish to steal it and it must be invested so that it will grow larger and become more valuable over time.

Here are the chapters:

Part 1 Setting the Stage

  • How I learned to Save Marriages
  • The Love Bank
  • Instincts and Habits

Part 2  How to Make Love Bank Deposits

  • Learning to Care for Each Other
  • His Most Important Emotional Needs
  • Her Most Important Emotional Needs
  • Identifying and Meeting Important Emotional Needs
  • The Policy of Undivided Attention

Part 3  How to Avoid Love Bank Withdrawals

  • Learning to Protect Each Other
  • Love Busters: Pt 1
  • Love Busters: Pt 2
  • The Policy of Radical Honesty
  • Identifying and Overcoming Love Busters

Part 4  How to Negotiate in Marriage

  • The Giver and the Taker
  • The Three States of Mind in Marriage
  • The Policy of Joint Agreement
  • Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation
  • How to resolve Everyday Problems

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