February 21, 2009 Peter

How to “Fall in Love, Stay in Love” (Pt3) Emotional Needs Questionnaire

For the next few weeks I am going to go through Willard Harley’s book, “Fall in Love, Stay in Love.“ You can never get away from it but the fact of the matter is that unless a relationship is consistently cultivated and maintained it will never be what it was meant to be. I know that you have probably have heard that saying one too many times but truth is truth. So far we went over Pt. 1 about the importance of feeling loved, Pt 2 (Needs) and now Pt. 3 Emtional Needs Questionnaire.

The last post talked about determining your emotional needs but I can’t figure any better way that taking the Emotional Needs Questionnaire to really flesh out what your thoughts and feelings are on this matter. Each spouse should answer these questions on their own and write down any thoughts that come to your mind. Never erase answers rather cross through them so that your spouse can see what you wrote.

The goal for every spouse is to become an expert at meeting those needs. HOWEVER keep these in mind:

  • Choose only a few to meet. No spouse will be able or should be expected to meet every need.
  • Discuss why certain needs are important and how the other person can meet them better
  • Give examples about why that need is important and how it can be met.
  • HONESTY, HONESTY, HONESTY: just as the heart needs clear arteries and veins to be healthy so it is with communication.
  • Allocate enough time to take the Questionnaire. In fact, make it a date!!!
  • Remember to never belittle a person’s need. If you don’t understand it or cannot connect to it then you at least should know that it is important to them.
  • Strive to be the first to meet the other person’s need.

I will cover this in another post but also keep in mind what abilities your spouse has to meet your needs. Never, ever punish a spouse for not meeting a need that he/she cannot meet.

What Are Your Thoughts on the Matter?

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