How to “Fall in Love, Stay in Love” (Pt2) "Emotional Needs"
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Transparency and How To Love For Life

by Peter on February 19, 2009

…should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have obtained over it,
leaves not the smallest space unoccupied.

~Abigail Adams (in a letter to John Adams)

Valentines Day just past and I’m sure a lot of men went all out to show how much they loved their women. There were those who attended shows, ate high priced meals, celebrated birthdays and anniversaries, and even those who asked for a commitment  for life. But beyond all these good things, it is TRANSPARENCY that will keep couples together for life. Although important characteristics of a committed relationship includes  emotional connection, proximity, communication and trust, it is the environment of transparency that allows for all these things to occur.

How can you have EMOTIONAL CONNECTION in a relationship if there isn’t first transparency to see what you are connecting?

How can you have PROXIMITY in a relationship if there isn’t first transparency to know why you want to get close to someone?

How can you have OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION if there isn’t first transparency to speak your most treasured thoughts?

Marriages are about preserving the individual while creating a relationship of oneness. If there are barriers such dishonesty, hurtful words, distrust, carelessness in preserving the integrity of the relationship, and lack of emotional connection it is impossible to have oneness. Transparency says, “I want to connect to you and will do everything I can to help us do that.” It means that you become vulnerable and surrender your pride, hurts, and fears. And although pride, hurt, and fear may envelope your spouse it is your responsibility to take the first step in being transparent.

No matter where you are in your relationship, transparency is always important and must always be protected. Here are some ways to protect your transparency:

  • Share your dreams for yourself and your relationship.
  • Tell your spouse something that only they should know.
  • Always be honest about everything. Even if that means hurt may be involved.
  • Tell something embarrassing about yourself
  • Tell your first memory about __________.
  • Do something that is out of your comfort zone that would be special to them.

As I have said in other posts, Love never starts with the other person, IT ALWAYS STARTS WITH YOU.  Transparency starts with you because you are creating an environment that they other person can always trust.

The reason transparency is so important is because it reveals who you are. We all want to be loved and cherished for who we are and not for how we would like to be perceived. When we fall in love with a person we are falling in love with all of them: mind, body, and soul. Transparency lays everything out in the open. It lays out our heart, pride, joys, pains, and most importantly it lays out our soul for the other person to see and connect to. I can’t say it any better than how Abigail said it so I will end it like I started

…should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have obtained over it, leaves not the smallest space unoccupied.
~Abigail Adams (in a letter to John Adams)

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